This Joke is especially for Shane in First Year in class Fionan who needs a good joke every now and then!
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog’s body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, poking and sniffing the dog’s body and finally looks at the vet and meows.
The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the cat thinks that you’re dog is dead, too.” The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. So the vet brings in a black Labrador retriever. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too.”
The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, “$650.”
“$650 to tell me my dog is dead?” exclaims the man.
“Well,” the vet replies, “I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests.
Only the very best jokes make it into this hall of fame. Delight your friends and entertain the old and young with these jokes. By using these jokes you will win the respect of people who, up until now thought you had no sense of humour. These jokes can also be used as an ice-breaker on a first date. Any one of these jokes can be sprinkled into conversations to pepper them up.
No longer will you be thought of as boring or uninteresting but rather as a celebrated wit, quite the little comic.
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show.
"Look, it's not the same hat!" "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all.
One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, and of course the parrot was
by his side.
They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for several days.
After a week the parrot finally said, "Okay, I give up.
What'd you do with the boat?"
Joke (4) The Atheist
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the "accident of evolution" had created. "What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he walked alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charging toward him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in. He ran even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. Looking over his shoulder again, the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear, right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike.
At that instant the atheist cried out, without thinking, "Oh my God! ...
Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to now count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light and answered, "It would be hypocritical for me to be a Christian after all these years; but, perhaps, you could make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice.
The light went out. The River ran again. The sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his right paw ... brought both paws together ... bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."